Luscious (Flash Fic Challenge)

Nouns: Boy Scouts, Six-Pack, Jack Nicholson
Adjectives: Friendly and Luscious

Megan hurried to finish dusting the shelves of the costume shop she worked at as a sales floor supervisor, knowing that the sooner she finished the closing chores, the sooner she could get out of there, and hopefully stop off at her friendly, local liquor store before catching the bus and heading home. She gave the shelves one last flick of her feather duster, tossed it on the counter, grabbed her purse, and hurried out the door, locking it behind her.

The weather was a perfect 85 degrees, a perfect summer evening, and she put a little bounce in her step as she made her way to the liquor store. She picked up a six-pack of Cherry Coke, and a fifth of Captain Morgan spiced rum, and headed to the cash register. The clerk, who looked like a younger version of Jack Nicholson, was delicious, and she licked her lips discreetly.

When it was her turn, she placed her purchases on the counter without looking him in the eye, afraid he would be able to read her thoughts and see just what naughty tortures she had in store for him.

"That will be $18.67, miss." He said, without missing a beat. Megan looked up, making the mistake of meeting his deep blue eyes, and pressed a $20 dollar bill into his waiting hand. He bagged her groceries and counted $1.33 back into her soft hand.

Megan pocketed the change, and blushed at the contact, trying hard to gather her composure enough to get her bag of soda and rum into her backpack, and make her way to the bus stop outside.

Sitting down on the cool cement bench at the bus stop gave her just enough of an anchor to calm her back down. At least until the adorable little missionaries came walking by, looking as innocent and sweet-faced as boy scouts, and almost as delicious as the store clerk. Somehow, they caught her eye as she was fanning herself and stopped to chat.

"Hi. Have you heard of the true church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints?"
Megan was flustered, but managed to stammer out an answer in the affirmative.
"We're spreading the news of His church and His testimony to everyone who hasn't heard it yet. Do you have time to talk?" They asked, almost in perfect unison.
"Actually, it's been a really rough day, and tonight's not looking to be any less weird, so I really don't." Megan stammered.
"It looks like you're waiting for the bus, do you mind if we wait with you?"
"Well, you're pretty hot. Wanna come home and learn how to sin?" She said with a sly grin, looking at the cuter of the two. The missionaries looked at each other nervously and made a hasty exit, stammering something about needing to spread the word. They were scarcely out of sight when the bus came chugging along on it's usual predestined route.

Megan searched her pocket for the $1.25 she needed to board the bus, and slipped the transfer slip the driver exchanged with her into her pocket, making her way to the long seat in the back of the bus when who should board the bus after her but the delicious looking clerk from the liquor store. He sat down next to her on the back seat and extended his hand in greeting.

When she took his hand, he said, "Hi. I'm Mikey. Do you come here often?"
Megan blushed and stammered out an affirmative, something about this being the closest bus stop to her work, and looked away, trying to stare without seeming to stare.

He chuckled, and somehow that seemed to break the tension, and without much else, soon they were chatting as if they had known each other for years and always been friends. So much so that Mikey missed his stop, and ended up getting off the bus with Megan like a creepy stalker. Megan was a bit distracted, just chatting with her new found friend, and didn't think too much of his choice of bus stop.

Before they realized it, they had arrived at the front door of her apartment, which she unlocked and let him inside. She went into the kitchen, unloaded the six-pack of soda and the rum, and got down 2 glasses from the cabinet. She began to mix up rum and Cherry Coke, a little stronger than normal and handed him a glass. She kicked off her shoes, and settled down on one side of the couch with her drink. Before she knew it, she had slid over on the couch into Mikey's lap and was kissing him with great abandon.

His hands slipped along her back, and lower, lifting her shirt up and off her back, and then were undoing the hooks in her bra to release her luscious breasts from their holders. He leaned her back onto the couch, crawling over her to kiss her more, before fishing a Trojan out of the pocket of his jeans. Megan closed her eyes as he covered her with his body, and prayed that maybe this time she wouldn't wake up.

Super Easy Bath Scrubby

Im not charging for this pattern, because honestly, anyone with a metric crap-ton of leftover Lily's Sugar and Cream yarn could have figured this out...

That being said, please do not copy my pattern, but share the link. Thanks.

As I said, I came up with this pattern while newly unemployed, and had nothing better to do, and a LOT of sugar and cream cotton yarn to stare at... It's very simple, and gauge is not important in the slightest. I did mine with size 8 needles, because it's what I had on hand.

Abbreviations: CO= Cast On, KFB= Knit into the Front and Back of stitch (increasing), K2Tog= Knit 2 together, SSK= Slip, Slip, Knit (alternatively, you can knit 2 together through the back loops, if it is easier for you)

CO 3 stitches.
KFB, K1, KFB
Knit next row
*K1, KFB, Knit to 2 stitches from end, KFB, K1
Knit next row*

Repeat between stars until the bath scrubby is as wide as you want it (this is the center.

*K1, SSK, Knit to last 3 stitches, K2Tog, K1
Knit next Row*

Repeat between stars until 3 stitches remain. Switch to Double pointed needles and work i-cord for 4-6 inches. Bind off, and bend back around to the top of the scrubby, and securely stitch in.

These are VERY fast to knit, and if you have the leftover cotton yarn that I do, you can have a large stash of these knit and ready to go with a bar of homemade soap as a last minute birthday or hostess gift.

Tuesday, June 23 2009 - Song of the Day

Today's song of the day is inspired by my love for my husband. Well, that and my undying respect for Elton John.

Just what is a fandango, anyway?

So, finally have a bit of breathing room. Ok, I really don't. I'm writing this on my laptop between calls. My life feels like a fandango, whatever that is.

1 - My back, very asstackular
2 - My store, behind on customs again. I'm scaling back and closing the custom list so that I have the 3 on deck, and then I can concentrate on just stocking. I would really like to release an AI2 idea to go with my pockets.... and maybe a fitted/cover combo, not that I ever really did those.... I do have a pair of wool trainers almost done and ready for release... but that belongs on my shop blog, not this one.
3 - My marriage.... Ya.... that's a subject better left ignored. When other people are noticing that we fight all the time, but are stupid in love with each other... Ya, we need to fix it...
4 - The little one is with her dad... I'm withholding judgment until I find out what I'm going to get back...
5 - The warrant I had previously in Idaho.... It's been purged, and I didn't have to do anything. Nice. So there is NOTHING on my background check. *collective sigh of relief*

other than that.... ya... it's kinda like a high speed rush through an ice chute with an ice skate shoved up my bum.

Memories

Lately I've been riding the bus to work, since my car got repossessed. Sitting in the backseat of the bus watching the scenery (or in this case, graffiti) roll past my window has been bringing back memories. Wearing headphones (because if you don't people start talking to you) and listening to the playlist on my blackberry, the music brings back memories. Not all of them are good memories, but all are strong. All provoke strong emotions, and if I weren't already introverted enough, the memories would push me that way.

Just this morning, as I was listening to the equivilent of musical schizophrenia, I heard Great Big Sea's Fast As I Can, I was reminded of the person who got me started listening to Irish Music in general, and Great Big Sea in particular. It got me thinking, that this was probably, second only to my wonderful husband, the best guy I've ever actually dated, and I didn't treat him very well. Ok, I think about now, I feel like I treated him like dogshit, and I hate feeling like that. So, this is my apology, now and forever, to the person who actually treated me like I was worth something, and paved the way for me to accept what my husband offers me every day.

Thank you.

Very Funny Friday

So this going to be an odd post, because my husband and I have a VERY odd sense of humor. Couple that with slight sleep deprivation leads to many many days of what we call the "Lima Bean Moment" - When you are so tired, that everything is funny, even lima beans.

So this week, there have been many half formed conversations that under normal circumstances, would not be funny. However, these conversations elicited such odd mental images, and a snort-fest on one occasion, that I felt I should share them.

His best friend, even best man at our wedding, is called J-Bone. Not because of anything he's done, but because it pisses him off. Day before last, our phones got shut off because we can't pay the bill until we get our tax return. Add to this the message from H&R Block online that I need to call the IRS and find out what DH's AGI was for 2007, which I know at one point I had saved his 1040A from 2007, although where it's gone is beyond me. So he texts J-Bone from his computer to ask him if he can come over so he can use his phone to call the IRS and find out what said AGI actually is.

So we're in the car, on the way back from picking up my daughter from school, and he makes a comment along the lines of "J-Bone will be coming over soon" to which I misinterpreted as something completely perverted, along the lines of J-Bone, naked, with a boner, and a bone club made from the femur of a large animal. Add to that the fact that I have a very vivid imagination, and well...Now there is a large naked man with a boner, and a bone club, running circles in my head screaming the lyrics to Soundgarden's Spoonman and I just lost it. Had I been drinking, tea would have shot out of my nose, I snorted, and my poor DH is just glaring at me like I've lost my mind, which really, I had.

So....ya...I'm an odd one. If you would like to hear more oddities, please purchase from my etsy shop pictured on the right. I get a little giggly thrill when I make a sale. Now off to sew more.

To read more Funny Friday blog posts, click here

Wardrobe Refashion

The Pledge

I Sanity, pledge that I shall abstain from the purchase of "new" manufactured items of clothing, for the period of 2 / 4 / 6 months. I pledge that i shall refashion, renovate, recycle preloved items for myself with my own hands in fabric, yarn or other medium for the term of my contract. I pledge that I will share the love and post a photo of my refashioned, renovoted, recycled, crafted or created item of clothing on the Wardrobe Refashion blog, so that others may share the joy that thy thriftiness brings! Signed Sanity.

Some explanation, rules, and sign-up can be found here.